RENT goes to American Idol
by ChristmasEveLastYear
Summary: The bohemians all audition for American Idol! Will anyone go to Hollywood?R&R! crack fic!
1. Chapter 1

**so i was watching American Idol the other night...and this idea poped in my head. hehe. **

**i dont own rent...or american idol. **

* * *

"Hey guys, look at this." Mark held up an advertisement in the newspaper. 

Mimi shifted from the old couch in the loft, "What is it?"

"An add." Mark said as if it wasn't obvious.

"No shit smart ass, what does it say?" Roger demanded.

The filmmaker looked at Roger profoundly.

Maureen, cuddled comfortably next to Joanne, spoke up next, "Read it Mark read it."

"Yeah, read it already." Collins said cutting off his make out session with Angel.

"You weren't even paying attention in the first place." Said Mark.

"Just read it Mark." Joanne replied sternly.

Mark looked back at the ad, "ok…it says they are holding American idol audition in New York this week!" he said excitingly.

Everyone was in silence for a moment. Roger looked strangely around. "What the fuck is American Idol?"

Angel's jaw dropped, "You don't know what American Idol is?"

"Um, no." Roger said confused.

Collins looked at the musician, "Angel here is a little obsessed." He grinned.

Angel was still in shock.

"A little obsessed?" Joanne watched Angel parade around the loft.

"Yeah." Collins said slowly watching his lover.

"No one told me what this thing is yet." Roger said.

"It's a signing show sweety." Mimi replied.

Maureen's eyes widened, "A signing show?"

"Yeah Maureen, all these people go on TV and audition in front of three judg-"

"You get to be on TV!"

"I guess, but sometimes they don't show every-

"When are the auditions?" Maureen said anxiously.

"Oh my gosh we HAVE to go on!" The diva was now parading around the room with Angel.

Collins rolled his eyes, "Great, now look what you've don't Mark."

"It's not my fault! I didn't know Angel was so obsessed."

Angel paused, "What am I suppose to wear? Simon Cowell is going to be there!"

"Yeah..She is a little obsessed with him too." Collins squinted his eyes. "This might not be good"

"Who the fuck is Simon Cow?" Roger responded.

"Don't worry about it baby." Mimi said quickly.

"And it's Cowell." Joanne replied.

Maureen charged towards Mark, "Give me that paper Mark."

Mark's eyes widened at the site of Maureen charging towards him. "Help me someone."

The drama queen charged and grabbed the ad from Marks hand and scanned over the info.

Angel was still walking around the loft frantequely, "What am I going to wear?"

The drag queen was freaking out, Maureen was going insane, Mark was scared, Roger was still confused, and the rest just well…watched. The whole loft was basically going crazy.

"What the hell is an Abdul?" Roger yelled.

"We have to go now!" Maureen exclaimed.

"Um...Angel?" Collins asked worried.

Joanne looked around at her friends acting like fools and began to take control, "Will everyone just shut up!"

Everyone paused in their tracks.

Maureen looked around the room, "I just wanted to go-

"lets go." Joanne grabbed Maureen's arm and dragged her out the door.

The rest of the bohemians still stood around the loft confused and in silence.

"Is anyone else coming?" Joanne shouted from the stairs.

"Coming!"

* * *

"Where do we go now?" 

"I'm guessing to that long line of people Mimi." The lawyer pointed to a line of contestants waiting outside a building.

"Oh."

Maureen ran up from behind Joanne and yanked her hand. "Come on lets go!" They ran towards the line.

"I guess we should follow them?" Said Collins.

"Good idea." Roger replied.

The group followed.

* * *

"How long are we suppose to wait here?" Mark said bored out of his mind. 

Mimi was sting on the floor leaning on Roger. "We've been standing here for hours!"

"I know." Collins moaned.

"But we get to see Simon!" Angel exclaimed.

"Oh and Ryan!" said Mimi.

Roger shifted from his position, "Who is Ryan?"

"Only the hottest TV host ever."

"Oh." Roger said disappointed.

Mimi looked at her boyfriend and kissed him on the cheek. "But you're even hotter."

"But he IS pretty hot." Maureen shrugged.

Joanne hit her on the shoulder.

"Ow!'"

"Nice way to make Roger feel better Maureen." Angel said.

"Sorry."

A man came walking towards the line with a camera following him.

"Is that him?" Collins pointed.

Mimi looked at the man and jumped up from the ground, "Oh my gosh it is!"

Mark sprang up from the ground, "Are you serious!?"

Silence.

Joanne looked away, "Anyways…"

"Lets go talk to him!" Said Angel grabbing Mimi's hand.

The two ran towards Ryan.

"Hi Ryan!" Mimi waved. The two best friends stood next to him like two little kids.

"He's such a hunk isn't he?" Angel whispered.

He turned around.

"Hello ladies." He smiled. "How are you two today on this wonderful morning?" The camera shifted towards them.

"Um, great…we're great." Mimi said looking in to the camera.

"yeah, we're absolutely fantastic." Angel said even louder into the camera.

Ryan stared at them strangely. "So where are you from?"

Mimi replied quickly, "The East Village."

"Yeah, we're bohemians." Angel winked.

"That's nice." He replied awkwardly.

"So what make you tow come and audition for American Idol?"

Angel and Mimi began spurting out different words at once.

"Well my friend, Mark, he saw the ad in the paper-

"Then we saw it and got very excited-well I did-

"Yeah, then my other friend, Joanne, her girlfriend got REALLY excited."

"And then we decided we should go-

"And now we're here!" Mimi finally ended.

Ryan was silent for a moment trying to decipher all the words they just said. "I see."

"Yeah know…you're short." Angel walked up next to him.

Mimi put her hand to her chin, "He is pretty short."

"You know I'm standing right here."

"Wow…I never knew you were this short." Mimi said.

"I know! Its really weird." Angel replied. She stared laughing,  
he's like five inches shorter than me."

"How strange." Mimi said in shock. "Its just-

Mimi and Angel began measuring themselves against Ryan.

"Um." He began.

"Why is he so short Angel?"

"I don't know Mimi…he's not so hot anymore."

"I know…it's kind of disappointing." Mimi pouted.

"I'm still here." Ryan stated.

"Oh we know honey." Angel patted him in the shoulder.

"Yeah, well…I'm gonna…go." He pointed and walked away.

Mimi waved at him, "Bye!" They began walking back to the line.

* * *

"Hey guys." Mimi said. 

"So how was Ryan?" Maureen asked resting her head on Joanne's lap.

"Not so exciting, do you know how short he is?"

"yeah, that makes me appreciate how tall my Collins is." Angel said while going over and kissing Collins.

Roger looked at Mimi, "Does that make you appreciate me more?"

"Definitely." The dancer began kissing Roger, turning into a make out session.

"We are in public you know." Mark said.

"Hey guys the line is moving!" Maureen shrieked.

They took three steps forward.

"Well that was a giant improvement." Marks said duly.

"Look at the Brightside Mark," Maureen's eyes glittered, "I am now three steps closer to my dreams of becoming a star."

Joanne chuckled at her girlfriends over dramatic speech.

":More like three hours." Roger complained.

"I've been here for five." A man said from in front of the bohemians.

"Really?" Said Joanne.

The man replied. "Yeah, I guess stardom is a waiting process." He shrugged, "I just want to go in there right now and show those judges what I've got."

"that's nice." Joanne awkwardly replied. "Are you good at singing?"

The man looked at Joanne in amazement. "Am I good at signing? Of course I am! I have been singing for almost all my life."

"Sorry…I didn't know." Joanne responded.

"Then show us." Maureen crossed her arms.

"I can't right now." The man said.

"Why not? You said you were good." The diva was getting a little angry.

"I'm saving it for the judges."

"You can't just say you're the best and then not sing for us."

"Yes I can."

"No…you cant."

"Yes. I can do whatever I want."

"No."

"yes."

"NO, you cant. You were even rude to my girlfriend! Sing!"

"I don't want to."

"Are you scared?"

"No."

"Chicken." Roger said.

"What was that rocker boy?" The man approached Roger.

"I said you were a chicken. If you have talent just show us."

"Yeah." Mark backed up Roger.

The man glared at the skinny filmmaker. "Sorry." Mark backed away.

"I bet you cant even sign good." Roger said.

"Yes I can."

"Then SHOW us."

"Yeah what are you scared of?" Collins came up.

"Nothing I just-"

"Sign you liar!" Mimi shouted.

Everyone looked at her. "Sorry…I was in the moment."

"Fine, if you want to hear my talents so bad I guess I'll sing for you." The man finally agreed. "But don't get too blown away now."

"Trust me…we wont." Maureen said.

The man began singing, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was HOT like ME. Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me…don't cha. Du du du dud dudu. Dont cha."

The group was silent.

"Wow." Joanne said first.

"I told you I was good." He said.

"I'm sure the judges will LOVE you." Mimi said sarcastically. "You should go pro."

The man just smiled.

"Yeah…we're gonna go…over here." Angel and the rest of the group walked away from the strange man.

Mark looked back at the man, "Wow that guy was bad."

"I wish my girlfriend was a freak like him." Maureen smiled.

Joanne replied quickly, "NO…no you don't."

* * *

**to be continued...  
**


	2. Mark and Mimi

"Almost…there." Mark said almost half asleep. The gang was still, infact, waiting in line.

"I can't wait till we go in!" Angel shrieked. "Simon is just waiting for me. I can feel it."

Collins rolled his eyes.

"Hey do you think one of us will actually make it to Hollywood?" Joanne said.

"I don't know, that would be cool though." Mimi said.

"Excuse me, I will be the one making it to Hollywood my friends." Maureen spoke. "This is my chance for fame."

Joanne looked at Maureen, "Don't get too excited honey."

"Why not?"

"Maybe because Simon is like the meanest judge ever." Mimi responded. "He can be really rude sometimes."

Maureen shrugged, "Whatever. I'll just be rude back then."

"Then security will take you away." Roger chuckled. He sat there for a moment and thought. "Actually yeah…argue with him."

"Shut up." The diva replied.

"Wait, I can't even sing. Why am I here?" Mark said in line.

Angel shrugged, "You suggested it."

"OH my gosh you guys why am I here?" Mark said worried. "The judges will laugh at me!"

Roger laughed. "And the whole country too."

Mark started walking in circles frantequly. "What am I going to do!?"

"Just try your best. Maybe you will be like that William Hung guy and be famous" Collins said looking at Mark freaking out.

"Yeah Mark. Or maybe your badness will get you on TV." Said Joanne.

"Guys! This is not good! We are almost about to audition too!" Mark said grabbing his head.

"I guess you'll just have to perform then Mark." Mimi chuckled.

At this moment Ryan came back over to the line and noticed Mark panting in circles.

"Is there a problem here?" he asked the bohemians.

"Hi Ryan!" Mimi and Angel waved.

He saw the two familiar faces and quickly looked away. "Is he ok?"

"Yeah." Roger said. "He's just a little nervous." Roger smiled.

"Mind if we get him on tape?" Ryan asked Roger.

Roger laughed, "Be my guest."

Ryan and his crew set up to film Mark running around while the group just laughed at him.

"Ok, so we are here in New York and it seems like people are a little nervous." Ryan said into the camera. The camera pointed towards Mark.

"How are you feeling sir?" he asked Mark.

Mark didn't notice the camera.

"Sir?"

Mark looked up and noticed the big camera in his face. "Whoa. What?"

"Are you nervous for you performance?"

He looked around confused. "A little…yeah."

"Would you like to demonstrate for us?"

"no, no that's alright."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Mark replied.

Maureen came running over in front of the camera. "I would LOVE to demonstrate for you sir." She shook Ryan's hand.

"I'm Maureen Johnson. Nice to meet you." She smiled. "And this is my friend Mark, sorry for his nervous ways. Oh and this is my girlfriend Joanne." She hauled Joanne in front of the camera. "And these are my friends Mimi, Roger, Angel and Collins."

"Me and Ryan have already met." Angel smiled.

"Yeah we're best friends forever aren't we Ryan." Said Mimi.

He replied, "Right."

At this moment a girl came walking out of the double doors crying. "I can't believe I didn't make it." She began crying into her friends shoulder. "Simon was so mean to me!"

Marks eyes widened. He was definitely scared to go in front of the judges.

"Number 15127" A women yelled from the doors.

"What?" Mark said in shock.

"15127?"

"Mark that's you!" Roger exclaimed and pushed him towards the doors. "Go"

"But wait…I don't want to…help."

"Break a leg Mark!" Collins yelled.

* * *

Mark nervously went in front of the doors and opened them. His hands were shaking.

"Hello sir." Paula smiled when he entered the room.

"Welcome welcome." Randy said looking at Mark.

Mark slowly made his way onto the floor, "Um...hi." he waved.

Mark noticed the man they called Simon and began to get really nervous.

"What's your name?" Simon asked.

Mark didn't say a word.

"What was that?"

"Oh…Mark…I'm Mark." He couldn't believe he was here. He couldn't sing at all.

"What will you be singing for us today?" Paula asked playing with her pen.

"Um…umm…girlfriend?" Mark thought. It was the only song he could think of.

"From Avril Lavigne?" Randy said strangely.

"Umm..yeah." Mark said.

Simon looked at him, "Are you sure?"

"yes." Mark replied.

"Before you begin, why do you think you are the next American Idol Mark?" Simon said.

"Because?"

"Because why?" Randy questioned. Mark's audition was going worse than he thought.

"Because I have talent?"

"Ok…carry on." Simon waved his hand and Mark began.

He took a deep breath. "Hey hey you you…I don't like you girlfriend. No way no way…I think you need a new one."

He stopped and the judges just stared in silence at him.

"Hey hey…you you…I could be your girlfriend?" he sang.

The judges still stared at him. Mark decided to sing again. "Your so fine I want you mine-"

"Stop." Simon held up his hand.

Mark looked at the judges nervously and smiled.

Randy was laughing behind a piece of paper and Paula was turned around in her chair, while Simon was looking at Mark with his mouth open.

"Was that bad?" Mark squinted.

"Bad?" Simon replied. "That was absolutely…horrible. It was like watching a bohemian sing on the street!"

The bohemian smiled nervously. "Well I'm-

"It was horrible!"

Paula hit him on the shoulder. "Simon be nice."

"What Paula it was bad!"

Randy pulled his paper away from his face, "Yeah dog, it wasn't too good dude. I'm sorry."

"Paula yes or no." Simon said.

"I'm gonna have to say no honey…I'm sorry. I like your glasses though." She smiled.

"Yeah dog, it's a no for me."

"And it's a no for me too. I'm sorry. Go on" Simon said rudely.

"Um…ok." Mark stuttered. "Thank you." Mark headed towards the double doors to exit but got stuck at the door.

Simon rolled his eyes. "Other door."

Mark quickly pushed the other door and ran out to his friends.

"No Hollywood?" Roger said.

"Very funny."

"At least you tried." Angel patted him on the shoulder. "Were they mean to you?"

"I don't know…I guess. I was kind of spaced out the entire time. Why did you guys make me do that?"

The group laughed.

"Now I'm going to look like an idiot on TV!"

"NEXT!" The women yelled.

"Oh that's me!" Mimi jumped up.

Roger kissed her on the cheek, "Good luck."

"Thanks." She smiled and made her way into the doors…of doom.

* * *

"Hi!" Mimi said excitingly as she went inside the room.

"Hello." Paula smiled.

"What's your name sweety?" Simon asked.

"Mimi." She said happily.

"Nice to meet you Mimi." Randy smiled.

"You too."

Paula looked down at the paper on her desk. "So it says here your from the East Village?"

"Yup!. I love it there…sometimes. I have great friends there too."

"Oh…it says you are here with your other friends. Have they already auditioned?"

"Oh no…Mark did though. He was before me." Mimi smiled.

"I see." Simon mumbled. "What song will you be singing for us today Mimi?"

"Oh a song I made up." Mimi said happily.

"Ok then." Randy said.

Mimi began singing. "I have to go ooouuuutttt toniggghht. You wanna prowl? Be my night owl. Well take my hand were gonna howl oouuttt tonight." Mimi stopped after, what she thought, was a brilliant performance.

"So?"

"That was…ok." Paula said.

"Really? You thought I was ok! That's so wonderful." All Mimi could do was smile. "I mean I sing all the time at home, and to my boyfriend and to my friends but I never thought I would be OK in front of actual people."

"Well." Simon began.

"I mean this is so cool… I'm ok! I, personally, thought I really sucked, because that's what my boyfriend says to me sometimes but I don't take him seriously."

"Mimi."

"But I mean, hey, if I can sing ok then I can prove him wrong. Stupid Roger…always thinking he's the best…well I'll show him. I'll tell him you said I was ok!"

"Mimi. You were ok…not _great_." Simon responded.

"I think you should work on it a little more." Paula said nicely. "You are _almost_ there. Just keep striving."

"No good dog…no good."

"not good at all."

"I thought you said I was ok though."

Simon responded. "PAULA said you were ok, we need an IDOL not an amateur."

Mimi's eyes widened. "What. You can't be rude to me like that."

Simon shook his head, "Oh yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Why not."

"Because…your mean…and you hurt people's feelings and I don't think its very nice mister."

Simon looked at the others in shock. "You should just take a chill pill british man. This is AMERICAN idol…not British Idol if you haven't noticed. This is ridiculous!"

"Honey." Paula began. "It's ok."

"No its not…because people try their hardest after their auditions and then you just SHOOT them down like that." Mimi snapped her fingers. "Give people a chance. What if they are going to DIE tomorrow? There is no day but today! Be nice."

"What did you say?" Simon said.

"No. Day. But. Today." Mimi said to Simon like he was stupid. "You should learn it sometime."

"Well Randy yes or no?"

"That's a no for me…sorry."

"Paula?"

"No."

"And that's a no for me so bye bye." Simon waved his hand.

"FINE. I wasn't going to accept it even if I DID make it to Hollywood." With that Mimi stormed to the doors.

"Other door."

Mimi glared back and barged out.

"How did you do?" Collins asked the angry Mimi.

"Those people are so rude." Mimi said angrily. "I cant believe them."

"See now you know what it feels like." Mark replied.

"Shut up."

"NEXT!"

* * *

**up next: Collins and Joanne!**


	3. Collins and Joanne

**hola. so i went to the American Idol results show live last night and it made me laugh because i was writing this story and yeah...anyways. I'm going to New York and seeing RENT after graduation! finally. im happy. **

**kind of a lame short chapter but its ok. hehe **

* * *

Collins waked into the judging room, "What up bitches."

The judges looked at him strangely as he walked onto the stage. "Hello to you too." Paula said.

"So…" Simon looked at his paper, "Thomas."

"Its Collins."

"…What made you join this competition."

Collins smiled. "I don't know actually. I think I just need the money." He shrugged.

"Interesting." Simon replied.

"Well why do you think you can be the next American Idol Collins?" Paula said.

He shrugged, "I don't know, I guess its better than living in a shitty loft and doing drugs all day…wait…maybe its not."

The judges all looked at him with their eyes widened.

Paula became concerned, "Sweety, its not healthy to do drugs all day."

"Why not."

"Because it makes you stupid." Simon said duly.

"Yeah dog drugs are no good."

Collins couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You can't tell me what to do."

Silence.

"Anyways. What will you be signing for us today?"

Collins sat there and thought for a while, "Um…I believe I can fly." He said confidently.

"Ok..go on then."

Collins took a deep breath in and began talking to himself, "Ok Tom, you can do this, just pretend like your signing on the tables at the Life. Yeah. That's its…the Life. Mmm…meatless balls…and they taste the same I don't understand why everyon-"

"Ahem."

"Sorry."

"Carry on."

Collins began to sign, "I believe I can flyyyyyy. I believe I can touch the skyyyy. I think about it every night and dayyy. Spread my wings and fly awaaayy." He took a dramatic pause. "I BELIEVE I can soaarrr. I see me running through that open doo-ooo ooorrr. Ohh I can flyy. I can fly-

"Thank you." Simon held his hand up.

Randy and Paula exchanged glances, "That was actually kind of good." Paula said in amazement.

"Not too bad." Randy said.

"Thanks." Collins smiled.

"What do you think Simon?" Randy asked.

"I don't know." He stuck his pen in his mouth. "It wasn't great."

"But it wasn't extremely bad." Paula said.

"I know Paula, but it wasn't extremely GOOD either."

"I know SIMON but it wasn't that bad."

"You don't know what your talking about Paula, trust me."

Collins just stood there awkwardly. Randy and Collins exchanged glances and both shrugged.

"Well Simon I just don't understand you sometimes."

"Because you don't know what you're talking about!"

Paula hit Simon on the arm. "Simon! I can't believe you."

Collins shrugged and took out a smoke of his own.

Simon looked at him, "excuse me, but what are you doing?"

"What does it look like."

"You can't smoke in here. The door says."

Collins looked at the sing that said "no smoking" and shrugged. "I guess I'm a rebel then."

"Will you stop that." Paula demanded. "I don't like it."

Collins looked at her. "Look whose talking."

Paula's jaw dropped, "I do NOT do drugs thank you very much." She shrieked.

"Woah… I didn't say you did lady."

"Well I don't do them so can you stop."

"Right. That's not what they say on TV."

Paula just sat with her jaw open. "Simon!"

"What? I don't know if it's true."

Collins laughed. "You should come over and hang with us sometime Paula. We have plenty left overs." He smiled and waved his smoke in the air.

Paula looked appalled, "I don't do drugs!"

"Sure."

"I don't!"

"Anyways." Collins began. "Did I make it?"

"NO" Paula yelled. "Get out!"

"I guess that's a no dog." Randy said.

"Yes...good bye." Simon waved.

"Fine." Collins shrugged. He began walked towards the doors and stopped in front of one. "I guess I wont have anyone to do drugs with then!" he yelled back at Paula. The security guards came running towards him. "Shit. Bye!" and he sprinted out the door.

"Woah Collins. What happened?" Roger said.

"Nothing. Why don't people like doing drugs? I mean its so fun." He smiled.

Angel came over and kissed him on the cheek, "because everyone isn't you honey."

"NEXT!"

"Pookie that's you!" Maureen yelled. "Have fun!"

"Right." Joanne said. "Wish me luck." And she went towards the doors.

* * *

"Hello." Joanne smiled as she walked happily into the room.

"Hello." Randy smiled at the sight of Joanne walking in. "What is your name?"

"Joanne Jefferson." The lawyer said.

"Well nice to meet you Joanne." Simon said.

"Exactly how many of you guys are there?" Paula asked noticing how the bohemians all came after one another.

"Seven"

"Really! How do you all know each other?"

Joanne paused, "Well its kind of a long story."

"And we don't have time for long stories, so what will you be signing for us today?" Simon cut in.

Joanne rolled her eyes a bit, "Isn't she lovely by Stevie Wonder."

**FLASHBACK**

"Pookie you have to sing it!"

"Why?"

"Because its such a cute song! Promise me you will sing it." Maureen pouted.

"Why can't I choose my own song?"

Maureen tugged on the lawyer's shirt, "You can dedicate the song to me!"

"What."

"Me! Dedicate it to me!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm lovely Joanne, duh. It's pretty obvious. I don't even know why you had to ASK that question. Who doesn't know tha-

Joanne covered the diva's mouth, "OK…I'll sing it."

"But if you make it to Hollywood you have to say "This song was dedicated to my LOVELY girlfriend Maureen Johnson. Make her go to Hollywood...please."

"What." Joanne replied dryly.

"Do it."

"No."

"Pookie."

"Maureen."

"Joanne."

Maureen glared at Joanne with a smirk on her face.

"Fine."

**RETURN**

"Good choice." Randy said.

"Off you go."

Joanne took a deep breath in and began. "Isn't she lovelyyyyy isn't she wonderful, isn't she preciouuuusss, less than one minuet old, I never thought through love we'd beeee. Making one as lovely as she."

Outside the room Maureen had her ear pressed against the doors, listenting to every word her girlfriend sang. She smiled and bobbed her head when Ryan came walking by.

"This song is dedicated to me." She whispered and pointed to the doors.

Ryan pressed his ear against the door, "Hm…interesting."

"Isn't she pretttyyy. Truly the angel's best." Joanne sang.

Paula raised her hand and Joanne stopped. "That was good." She smiled. Paula stopped and looked towards the doors.

"I am pretty." She herd a voice come from outside the room.

"What was that?" Randy said looking at the doors.

Joanne shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe some crazy lady outside."

"Yeah we have plenty of those." Simon mumbled.

"Anyways. I liked you." Paula continued. "Very nice voice."

"Thank you."

"I agree." Randy winked at Joanne. Her eyes widened and looked away from him quickly. "Simon?"

"I thought it was good. You might need to work on it a little bit more though, but good." He nodded.

"Thanks."

"Paula yes or no?"

"Deffinately yes."

"Randy?"

"I'm gonna say yes."

"And that's a yes for me, welcome to Hollywood."

Joanne couldn't believe she actually made it. "Thanks" she said in shock. She began to walk towards the door when she remembered her "deal" with Maureen.

"Oh. And if a crazy white girl comes in here soon, don't worry, she's always like that. Oh and you can tell her pookie says hi." Joanne smiled and walked out.

* * *

Joanne walked out with her wonderful golden ticket.

"Pookie you made it! What!"

"Yup." She grinned.

"I never knew you were so good at singing." Maureen shrieked.

"Wow good job Joanne." Mark said. "I bet you did a lot better than me."

"Yeah." She chuckled.

"Joanne you are brilliant!" Mimi came over and hugged her. "You better be making us big bucks!"

"Yes PLEASE Joanne." Roger whined.

"Did you tell them what I told you to tell them Joanne?" Maureen asked.

Joanne grinned, "Yup, exactly every word."

"NEXT!"

* * *

**next up Angel, Maureen and Roger!**


	4. Angel, Maureen and Roger!

**last chapter! pretty exciting...**

* * *

Angel walked into the room full of judges, excited for her meeting with Simon.

"Hi!" She said excitingly and waved to the judges. She couldn't believe she was actually going to be on one of her favorite shows.

"Hello." Paula smiled.

Simon looked Angel up and down noticing, in fact, that she was a drag queen. "Hello." He said.

All Angel could do was smile. She loved Simon. "What's your name miss?" Simon questioned.

"Angel, my name is Angel." She smiled and continued to smile at Simon. "I'm very excited to be here!" she clapped.

"Well we are too." Randy smiled.

"Oh and I like your skirt." Paula pointed out. "Where did you get it?"

"I made it." Angel replied. "You really like it? I'll make one for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah sure."

"I like this one." Paula said out loud. "She's smart."

Angel looked at Simon, "Would you like me to make you one too Simon?"

Simon looked at her and nodded, "That's really ok. Thank you though." He chuckled sarcastically.

"Randy?" Angel looked at him.

"I'm good dude."

Angel laughed. "Hi Simon." Angel was looking wide-eyed at Simon now.

"Uh. Hi again." He said.

"You know I just _LOVE_ you."

"That's nice to hear." He replied

"Your so handsome." She winked.

"Thanks."

Randy and Paula laughed. "What will you be singing for us today honey?" Said Paula.

"Um. Here by Idina Menzel. It's one of my favorite songs." Angel said happily.

"Off you go." Paula smiled and awaited Angel's performance.

Angel prepped herself and slowly began signing.

"If your car stalls in the middle of the road in snow,

I know, I know you'll be here.

Lights out, in all of the city, black out no doubt.

I know you'll be here.

River flows through the streets, and the homes are floating.

I know you'll be here.

Stranded in the middle of China, they'll find ya.

I know you'll be here."

"Thank you." Simon raised his hand.

"How did I do?" Angel chirped

"Wonderful." Randy replied.

Angel quickly glanced at Simon. "Did you like it Simon? It was just for you." She winked.

"I'm sure it was." He replied dryly. "I thought you did good actually."

"Me too." Said Paula taking a sip of water. "Do you sing often?"

"Um. Not really. With my friends sometimes I guess." Angel shrugged. "Which are all great by the way. More of them are coming soon!"

"Great." Simon said dryly.

"Do you not like my friends Simon?" Angel said sarcastically.

He shrugged. "I didn't say that."

"Well it seemed like it."

"Well I didn't say that."

"But it sounded like it."

"But I didn't say it."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did Simon."

Simon put his head in his hands. "Anyways." He said annoyed. "Randy yes or no?"

"I say yes."

"Yes for me too." Paula responded. "Welcome to Hollywood Angel!"

Angel couldn't believe it. She began jumping up and down. "I made it! I made it! OH my gosh I cant believe I made it!"

"Congratulations." Randy said.

"Yes Congratulations." Said Paula.

Angel's mouth was wide open, "I made it! Wow! Can I have a souvanier or something?"

"Why?" Simon said.

"So I can remember this moment duh Simon!"

"You can watch it on TV."

"I don't have a TV at my house." Angel replied like Simon was stupid.

"Can I have something please?"

"What would you take?"

Angel searched around the room, "I Don't know. Can I have your Coke cup?"

"But I'm still using it." Simon looked into his drink.

"PLEASE Simon. Pleaase." Angel whined. "I'll make you a skirt."

"But I don't want a skir-

"Please!"

"FINE." Simon said angrily and held out his cup. "Take it."

Angel walked up and grabbed it from Simon. "Thanks! I'll treasure it forever." She winked. "Well goodbye!" Angel waved and skipped out of the room.

* * *

"Guys look!" Angel came out with her ticket. "Look what I got!"

"A golden ticket?" Mark wondered.

"No, Simon's Coke cup!" she held the red cup in the air. "Isn't it great?" she smiled.

"Wow. How did you get that?" Mimi came up.

"That's so cool!" Maureen said waiting her turn. "I want one!"

Angel stuck out her tongue, "Too bad. Simon only likes me."

"Whatever." Maureen replied. "I bet he wouldn't SLEEP with you though."

Joanne glared at Maureen. "Maureen!"

"What Pookie? Maybe it will make me famous!"

Joanne rolled her eyes. "You'll probably be famous for him rejecting you." Joanne laughed.

"Great job baby!." Collins came over and rapped his arms around Angel. "I wish I could go with you, but unfortunately, no one liked my drug habits." Collins smiled.

"Whose next?" Mark asked.

"Maureen." Roger said dryly. "I can't wait to see what happens."

"Very funny Roger." Maureen said. "I can't wait to see what happens to you too." Maureen looked into a camera near bye. "He's going to get rejected…BIG TIME."

"Shut up Maureen." Roger came over and pushed her away from the camera. "SHE'S going to get rejected…BIG TIME." He said into the camera. "just wait and see."

Maureen came back into the scene. "NO I'M NOT!"

"NEXT!"

Roger looked at Maureen. "We'll see whose right." He grinned evilly. "Good luck!"

Maureen just gave him the finger and walked away.

* * *

Maureen ran inside the room and plopped in front of the judges. "Hello everyone. My name is Maureen Johnson and I'm the next American Idol!" She waved out her hands. "Just wait and see."

"Um…hello." Simon said.

"Hi." Maureen replied with a smile.

"So what makes you think you're the next American idol Miss Maureen?" Paula asked.

She shrugged. "I'm very talented and I do protests and I act and sing and do just all these amazing things." She ended with a smile. "That's why."

"Oh really?" Randy replied. "That's interesting. What things do you protest?"

"About things I want. Things I'm against."

"Oh." Paula said trying to look interested.

"I just did one a few weeks ago. I got a whole crowd to moo with me." She smiled.

"Moo?" Simon said looking confused.

"yes moo. Duh." Maureen rolled her eyes. "You should have seen it."

"Darn." Simon said.

"So do you sing a lot?" randy asked.

"All the time. I think I'm pretty good." She smiled. "And that's just not at singing." She winked at Randy.

Randy looked around confused. "Well what will you be singing for us today?"

"I will be doing part of my protest performance. "over the moon." Maureen said happily.

"Ok." The judges looked around strangely. "go on then."

Maureen began her performance.

"The only way out is up, elsey whispered to me

A leap of faith

Still Thirsty?? Parched

Have some milk

As i lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen utters and sucked the sweetest milk

i have ever tasted!" The diva looked up towards the sky and sucked into the air.

The juges began laughing silently into their papers.

"Climb on board she said and as a harvest moon rose over cyberland we reared back we sprang into a

gallop leaping out of orbit I awoke singing

OOOOOO

Only thing to do

Only think to do is jump

Only thing to do is jump Over the moon

Only thing to do is jump Over the moon

OVer the moon. The end!"

she smiled.

"Well that was…interesting." Simon replied.

"Yeah. Cows." Randy said.

"Well I wouldn't really call that singing." Simon said. "It was more of a performance."

"So." Maureen said.

"This is a singing competition."

"So."

Simon pauses. "So…you have to _sing._"

"That was singing." The drama queen replied angered.

"No…no it wasn't." Simon shook his head.

"Well it was to me." Maureen shot back.

"Well then you aren't a good singer then." Simon replied. "Not good enough for _this _competion."

"Are you serious?"

"Does it look like I'm serious." Simon had on a straight face.

"I don't know."

"Well-"

"Even if I don't sing, I can still be the next American Idol." Maureen replied.

"How?" Simon said.

Maureen held up a finger. "You wanna know why?"

"Yes I would-

"Because I can share my protests with thousands of people on the planet. Then this world would be a better place…therefore I would be the next American Idol."

"Ok." Randy said.

"I think you don't have to sing…to be the next American Idol." Maureen yelled.

"Yes you do."

Maureen pointed her fingers to the floor. "NO you don't because THAT is discrimination."

The judges were silent for a moment. "What are you talking about." Paula said.

"Shut up Ms. "I get a new face job every season"." Maureen air quoted.

Paula was appalled.

"It is discrimination against NON singers. I think they should have a change at stardom too ya know. Its just not fair."

"yes it is."

"NO its not! Don't you people get it?"

Simon decided to end this fight. "So Paula yes or no."

"What? You cant just change the subject like that."

"Yes or no Paula…I need an answer." Simon continued.

Maureen replied. "You cant do that!"

"YES or NO Paula, now."

"I'm going to say no."

"Randy?"

"Sorry, but that's a no dog."

"WHAT! I cant believe this!" Maureen screamed. "I was suppose to make it to Hollywood!"

"Sorry to crush your dreams." Simon replied. "Go on."

Maureen's eyes widened. "I HATE you people." And she stormed out the door.

"Oh wait! Pookie says hi!" Paula yelled at the angry Maureen as she went to the doors.

….. "Other door."

* * *

"OH what's this? No golden ticket!" Roger teased. "I wonder how that could happen."

"Shut up." Maureen glared.

"What happened Maureen?" Joanne asked putting a hand on her shoulder.

"They didn't like my protesting. They said it wasn't singing."

Roger laughed, "Well its not sin-

"Roger." Joanne interrupted. She didn't want her drama queen to become even more upset.

"Nice try Maureen." Said Mimi.

"I guess Roger is our final hope." Mark chuckled.

Maureen was almost crying. "I hope they make fun of you till you** die**." She shot at Roger.

"Ouch." Collins said out loud.

Roger rolled his eyes. "Well…wish me luck peeps I'm goin' in."

* * *

"Hello everyone." Roger waved to the judges.

"Hello…" Randy looked at his paper. "Roger."

Paula swooned when Roger entered the room, "Hello." Paula smiled. She couldn't keep her eyes off of Roger. "What's your name again?"

"Roger…Roger Davis."

"Nice to meet you." Paula replied.

"you too." He smiled.

Simon noticed Paula's happy face. "So Paula, now that you've met the love of your life, how about you ask him a question?"

Paula glared at Simon, "What will you be singing for us today sweety?"

"A song I wrote." He said confidently. He thought saying this would gain him "extra points".

"Is it a love song?" Paula asked in wonder.

"Not really, maybe I guess." He stuttered.

"That's nice." Paula smiled. "Go on then."

Roger noticed Paula "checking him out" and decided to use his seductive ways to make it to Hollywood.

He began sining.

"One song

Glory

One song

Before I go

Glory

One song to leave behind

Find one song

One last refrain

Glory

From the pretty boy front man

Who wasted opportunity

One song

He had the world at his feet

Glory

In the eyes of a young girl." Roger walked up to Paula and sang in front of her, brushing his hair out of his face and looking into her eyes. Paula smiled.

"A young girl

Find glory

Beyond the cheap colored lights

One song

Before the sun sets

Glory -- on another empty life

Time flies -- time dies

Glory -- One blaze of glory

One blaze of glory – glory."

He ended with a slight wink to Paula.

"That was wonderful!" Paula shrieked. "I say yes."

"Well that was fast." Randy said.

Paula just smiled. "I know." She shrugged.

"Well you do have a pretty nice voice. Even though it is kind of rocker-ish." Said Simon. "I say yes."

"I say yes too." Randy responded. "Your going to Hollywood dog!"

"Yes.' Roger shrieked. "Wait till I show Maureen." Roger ran out the doors.

* * *

"BAM!" Roger shoved the paper in front of Maureen's face. "Look at THAT."

Maureen just glared at his special golden paper. "You don't deserve that." She mumbled.

Roger put his hand to his ear. "What was that? I deserve it? Why thank you Maureen, I knew that already."

Roger went over to the camera and waved his paper in the air. "I'm going to Hollywood! And Maureen is not!"

"I think we should leave now before Maureen gets even more mad." Mark said looking at the furious Maureen. "Yeah, soon would be good."

"Yes let's go." Angel said grabbing Collins. "I'm tired. And I'm going to Hollywood!"

"Lets go watch ourselves on TV!" Mimi shrieked skipping away. "Maybe Mark will make it on."

"Please no." Mark whined. "That's so humiliating."

The bohemians all went out of the building and headed home for the day.

* * *

Hoping to get a glimce of themselves on tv the bohemians all went to Joanne's apartment to watch.

"So what are you guys going to do with your tickets?" Mimi asked Joanne, Angel, and Roger.

"I don't know. I don't think I'll go. I have work to do." Joanne replied. "I can't just quit my job."

"Yeah…me neither. I don't think the Hollywood thing is really me. I just wanted to go on for fun." Roger shrugged.

At that moment Angel turned on the TV. "Hey guys look! American Idol!"

"Lets watch" Collins said sitting down on the couch.

The Tv. _"Coming up next on American Idol. Auditions are held in New York City. What strange things could happen now? _

"_some of the best?" clips began playing._

"_Isn't she lovely, isn't she beautiful."_

"_One blaze of glooooooorryyy."_

"Hey look its me!" Joanne pointed. "And Roger!" Roger stuck out his tongue at Maureen._  
_

_And some of the worst. _

"_Hey hey…you you…I could be your girlfriend…I think you need…a new…one?"_

_The judges all are in silence._

"_And I sucked the sweetest milk I had ever tasted." Maureen's position was caught on tape._

_All this NEXT on…American Idol. _

All the bohemians were silent, holding in their laughter. Mark had his face shoved in the couch while Maureen was staring at the screen with her mouth open.

"WOW." Roger said out loud. "That was-

Maureen and Mark both glared at him, "SHUT UP."

* * *

**the end!**


End file.
